GREG GUTFELD: This whole refugee crisis was a lie

Happy Wednesday, everyone. And even you illegal migrants, Feliz Miercoles. I believe that’s also “Happy Wednesday,” according to my high school Spanish, which I failed. So, like a woman trying to throw a football, the immigration crisis is spiraling out of control. It’s just terrible. Why do we even say these things?

You don’t need us to tell you that. Although Fox News is the only one that does. If Bill Melugin and his gorgeous head of hair spend one more day on the southern border, he gets a free milkshake and a blowout. He could donate his hair to bald lions. And why doesn’t he? The border is a mess, no doubt. But now so is the sanctuary that is New York City. Up until recently, migrants were being housed in an upscale hotel in midtown Manhattan. It’s got a rooftop pool, a nice bar, fine furnishings. You know, things Jamie Lissow will never have. Ever.

The city had plans to move the single illegal males from the hotel to a facility in Brooklyn to make room for migrant families. But the men are not budging. So how’s that for irony? We say to the male migrants, “Welcome to our country.” And then they turn around and say to incoming migrant families, “Go back to where you came from.” So it appears that illegal immigrants are also vehemently against illegal immigration. The moment they get here, they turn from helpless refugee into Ann Coulter. I’m surprised they didn’t start chanting, “Build a wall. Build a wall.” My goodness, this is amazing.

So when busses showed up to haul the men away from the hotel to a simpler but clean facility, they didn’t hop on. Instead, they took to the sidewalk out front, camped out, demanding they stay and pulling the asylum seeker card. They claim they’re refugees but complain the accommodations at the Brooklyn Cruise terminal are subpar. Then they get to shaft incoming families. Here’s one migrant hot take.

GREG GUTFELD: THIS ISN’T SURPRISING TO ANYONE WHO TOOK BASIC ECON

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MIGRANT: For all men, it’s only four bathrooms. If one gets sick, everyone gets sick. It’s very ugly. The beds are horrible. They’re a piece of fabric. They’re like a military bed.

Sounds like your house, Jamie. Only four bathrooms for all men. And this coming from guys who can fit 40 into a Toyota Corolla when sneaking across the border. I get it, though. Four bathrooms, that means they’re a taco night away from disaster. And how dare they give these asylum seekers something like a military bed? You mean a bed comfortable and enough for our troops who need to get a good night’s sleep before going to war? Next time, maybe give us a heads-up on the thread count you’d prefer. You know, when you sneak into our country, you freeloaders.

I’m sorry, but what asylum seeker would turn down any of this unless they’re lying about the so-called hardships that they’re allegedly escaping from. I mean, where are they seeking asylum from? The Sandals Resort in Cabo? Have you seen some of these alleged refugees? They’re dressed better than US citizens. Where’d the coyotes drop them off, the Nike outlet store? They don’t look tired and downtrodden to me. You know, this looks downtrodden. I don’t see that. I’ve seen people look more exhausted after spending two weeks on a Carnival cruise line. 

They’re not the refugees like the ones who came through Ellis Island. And if they were refugees, ask those single men why they left their families behind. It’s like a reverse Titanic where Jack pushes Rose off the driftwood. That’s how I would have ended it. I think we’re being played. Thankfully, one smart, sexy man is pointing all of this out.

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GREG GUTFELD: I’m beginning to think that their hardship was greatly exaggerated. They’re coming here not because they’re, you know, refugees in danger from climate or crime or poverty. It’s incentivized by our country to come here for jobs and free stuff. Because what desperate refugee comes to a sanctuary and complains about room and board?

Hmm. So true. That guy is so hot, he should come with a warning like a McDonald’s apple pie does. So if you’re fleeing Central America, it had nothing to do with root causes unless the root cause is American generosity. So you can stop pretending to look, Kamala. And sorry, you can’t call yourself refugees and still demand a timeshare when you get here. The fact is, it’s lefty activists who are filling the heads of migrants with more **** than an episode of Yellowstone. As The New York Post points out, “activists are deeply involved in the standoff itself, with the larger effort to ramp up illegal migration.” So this whole refugee crisis was a lie. I mean, it’s a crisis for us, but not for them.

And I say that being very, very pro-immigration with adjustments based on what our country needs. But we’re not allowed to question any of this or say, “Hey, I wonder if a $300 a night room might be ******* crazy.” You remember those pictures of another hotel with trashed rooms and empty beer bottles, food thrown out? I mean, these guys are partying and they’re partying on Kat’s dime. Assuming she pays taxes. And now they’re biting the hand that’s feeding them for free. Sorry, folks, the next time you hear the word “refugee,” think of that great Tom Petty song and not these ingrates at the Watson Hotel.